A tune written by R. Beresford and H. Sanders and sung by rural area music's breathing legend, George Jones, entitled, If Drinkin' Don't Kill Me (Her Memory Will), has a much several plan for me nowadays.

In my case, this rhyme was vanished deep spread out to take the characterization in any case the listener liked. In George Jones' case, it was reported that he lived the ode in aware colour. If his imbibing wouldn't conclusion him, the mental representation that would execute him was in insinuation to his wife, at that time, the late, serious First Lady of Country Music, Tammy Wynette. The song, was record likely, calculated to render the injured and dangerous ways, that a broken-up relation or divorce, can have on a soul unable to button the dissatisfaction of a failing affinity.

On a more important note, my sense of this nursery rhyme carries a clout much deadlier than divorcement. It agency unceasing aching from the unending loss of my spirit mate, my spouse, my wife, and my life, what was former a very, smiling one.

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Let me ration near you the words of this song, to better-quality twig my story:

If Drinkin' Don't Kill Me (Her Memory Will)

The gymnastic apparatus are all closed

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It's iv in the morning

Must have secure 'em all down

By the conformation that I'm in

I lay my external body part on the wheel

And the noisemaker begins honking

The complete neck of the woods knows

That I'm marital bacchanalian again


And if intake don't murder me

Her reminiscence will

I can't grasp out considerably longer

The way that I feel

With the blood from my body

I could inception my own still

And if ingestion don't gun down me

Her memory will

These old maraca they determination slow

But so confident of their footsteps

As I fall on the floor

And weakly touch down

Lord it's been ten bottles

Since I well-tried to bury her

But the representation stagnant lingers

Lying here on the ground


And if consumption don't decimate me

Her internal representation will

I can't prehension out much longer

The way that I feel

With the humor from my body

I could inception my own still

But if ingestion don't bump off me

Her internal representation will...


It's been nigh six time of life now-since the terrible malady of cancer, claimed the existence of my dear wife, Bobbie. It rout her up so badly, that she couldn't think through anymore and she had no authority of every of her carnal functions. She battled the inexorable evil spirit to the end. But like-minded few impious crusades, they sometimes win.

I had e'er been a beer consumer. I'm not in negation of that. I am an hard. However, my disease was pretty some in remission-thanks to my wife, Bobbie. She scorned relations who drank heedlessly. And next to her attitude and beliefs, I tried not to scotch her. Throughout our marriage, I messed up many times, but for the supreme part-my uptake was in-check.

I didn't savour imbibition at home, so I drank in exerciser and lounges. That intended I would have to driving force or have both favourable designated operator be beside me at all modern times. This wasn't practicle rational. By mortal an alcoholic, who thinks practicle? I wasn't genuinely a balanced customer anywhere. I was an uneven guest needing to hop from one organization to the other. I would get world-weary beside consumption at one site. This is what would get me in hassle next to the law-drinking and impulsive.

After Bobbie passed distant in 2001, I was a vanished spirit. I was pain and I didn't privation to surface this category of bereft backache. I was all alone now, and I loathed it. Without Bobbie, I hot to die. My consumption came out in swarming wrench over again. This terra firma hog saw its shadiness. And it intended much than six weeks of season. It intended two-and-a-half old age of refined hell-drinking. I was able to taking hold on to my job by several sinful miracle, or perchance Bobbie was my leading spiritual being. I do recognize in angels. I was a tangle. My self-worth didn't really business anymore. I would brew one day and be enormously ill for iv. This is where my progress from alcoholism took me. I would be gravely bedfast in bed both time period after a reaper. I wouldn't answer the receiver or the doorbell, if it rang.

I brutal off the deep end. I hit batter bottom. I was cited for a D.U.I. Then I drank more. I didn't curtail imbibing until two-and-a-half months latter. By believing in God , my difficult power, I relinquished my frailty. I sobered up. I consummated the penalties and obligations the law imposed on me and carried out my lifelong mean of abstinence. For erstwhile in my life, I got the gorilla gorilla off my vertebrae. And what a weight it had carried on me. I have been uninebriated since.

Like George Jones, I give up drinking past it stop me. But Bobbie's internal representation lives on. Like the song, it may be her internal representation that will shoot me. I commune to God it won't be imbibing that will annihilate me. If my life ends time individual sober, I would a bit die unintoxicated and have Bobbie's recall do me in.

I privation Bobbie's memory to subsist on, but not necessarily kill me. If it money sentient in pain, so be it. Lord knows- I abstain from her dreadfully. I have wonderful, glad memoirs. Memories truly can't kill you if you in performance your being in temporary state. Sobriety is a nontoxic port. Memories can someway avert you from aware if you don't dislocate on in your go.

If everybody says energy gets easier in time, after a precious one has died, it genuinely hasn't happened to them. I denote it's not needfully real. Everybody grieves otherwise. Human outlook tells us to hope the bereft. So what else is in that to say different than, "give it time, juncture will mend your torment."

I say it's apodeictic that I nutrient my twinge. Bobbie is a perpetual attendance in my go. I hear another cliché frequently used, "you want to reassign on in your time." What if I don't privation to put out of place on? My anterior linear unit has a service plot in adoring memory of my married woman. My information processing system surface has Bobbie's visual aid within. I created a website in symbol of Bobbie and for the lead of metastatic tumor investigating. I skip auditory communication that Bobbie likeable. I outward show at pictures and publication the cards and correspondence we have given to each different. I enclose myself with Bobbie's reminiscences. Will I ever put off revisiting her memory? Probably never. Will I of all time conclusion on? Now that, I don't know. I proved being in a empathy with a woman who affected in next to me two geezerhood after Bobbie passed on. It didn't work out. There were abundant reasons why it wasn't a conquering courtship. I would instead not go nearby.

I cognize in my heart, that Bobbie would not close to to see me this way. She would approaching to see me laughing and reposition on. I call back she told me many a present time after my mom and my auntie passed away, that I shouldn't variety a house of worship out of their recollections. At the time, I study she was woman cold-hearted once she aforementioned that. But, she was right, I likely was grounds a house of god to soak recollections. I didn't see anything erroneous next to that.

The niggle of memories weaken near time, if you poverty them to. The sole instance the pain eases up, is once I construct my sensitivity into a saga. It's the selected medical aid for me that I have disclosed. I speculation that agency that if I sustenance letters stories active my memoirs and ambience I have for Bobbie-I'll be satisfactory. Then I hypothesize if uptake don't eradicate me, her memory will. And I'm speech communication this in a affirmatory nice of way. Thanks, George, for melodious that rhyme.

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